7 Ways What You Know May Be Hindering Your Success And What Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Has To Do With It

From grade school to high school and then on to college, we build up our bundle of knowing. At each level, we build our confidence and become quite enamored with what we know. After all, the alternative is not pretty. Therefore, we want to know as much as possible. And while that is certainly noble, it can also get us into trouble and can even hinder our success.

Knowing is a state of understanding. Something we all seek as we grow. However, the problem is that knowing is often based on beliefs or experiences. Think about that for a second. If we don’t experience it (personally or through others), we may not know it or believe it. How often have you heard someone say, “I know?” It’s even more curious when the “I do” is inconsistent with the “I know.” But that is a topic for a different blog post.

Follow me for a minute. Imagine for a minute that what you know is based on the faulty premise that we understand all that there is to understand around a specific situation. For instance, what is your favorite food? Most of us probably have an answer to this question. For me it’s seafood. However, consider that you have not yet experienced every type of food available. Given this fact, do you really “know” what your favorite food is? As you ponder this question, let’s look at a few ways what you know may be hindering your success.

  1. You stop asking questions

Knowing is that magical state where we are comfortable that we have the information we need. When faced with an alternative to what we know, it is easy to casually dismiss it because you already know. Recently a friend introduced me to an investment opportunity that sounded too good to be true. It was in the space of digital currency. I nearly dismissed it because of what I thought I knew. It turns out that I knew nothing!

  1. You accept your current situation

I talk with people on a regular basis that say they would love to be doing something else… something more exciting with their life. Yet, they are not. A little further probing reveals they have simply accepted their current situation because they “know” they cannot change it. Or that changing it would simply be too difficult.

  1. You confuse knowledge with action

What’s the point of knowing something if you are not going to act on it. In this case, do you really know? Or do you think you know? Granted it is quite possible that it may just be a conscious decision, but I can’t help but wonder.

  1. You give into fears

I’m sure you’ve heard the term “false events appearing real” as an acronym for fear. The key is they “appearing real”. You see the mind is powerful and has a built in protecting mechanism. Whenever it senses danger, it engages the defense system and you find yourself locked in a battle between you and yourself. Isn’t that amazing! When dealing with fear, the true enemy is within. This makes it even harder to deal with because the thoughts and concerns are yours. Ever notice how easy it is to help someone else with their fears… “you should just do it anyway.” But when it comes to your fears, it is an entirely different story. When you know something, you begin to believe it and your fears begin to feel very real causing you to pull back and remain in search of a more comfortable place.

  1. You limit your ability to solve problems

The state of problem solving requires identification of a problem. If there is no problem, there is nothing to solve. When we “know” we tell our subconscious there is no problem. Our subconscious in turn says, “thanks for the time off. I was tired anyway.” In effect, you have given yourself permission to “chill.” For example, you want a promotion but you know your manager will never give it to you. This state of mind shuts down identifying this as a problem. Once you identify it as a problem, you can approach it accordingly and develop a plan that will take you closer to achieving your desired goal… the promotion.

  1. You take your perception as reality

One danger of knowing is you begin to believe your own perception. It is not that this is always a bad thing but it is important at times to consider the perspective of others. Could it be that more than one reality exists but if you know, you are likely to believe the one perception you are familiar with… yours. I had an interesting conversation with an Uber driver a few weeks ago. He was homeless and felt certain that the system was designed to hold him back. His perception had become his reality and therefore he failed to look at alternatives that could potentially provide a new path for his life.

  1. You place a ceiling on your dreams

The interesting thing about knowing is you begin to believe how high and how far you can go. It is often predicated on your current understanding of how bad you want it. Pushing past your threshold may result in a bit of discomfort. Since one purpose of the mind is to protect us, you begin to set limits to keep you from feeling the discomfort…to keep you safe. Before you know it, you have erected new boundaries for yourself. Think about your goals. Are they within your comfort zone? Are they designed to keep you safe? Are they based on what you know?

Emotional intelligence (EQ) plays a key role in every decision you make; whether conscious or unconscious. It is intimately entwined in what we think we know. Having high EQ allows you to become comfortable acknowledging the limitations of knowing that impact the emotional intelligence pillars of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. Taking intentional action to improve these key areas can help you move past your perception of knowing. It requires a desire to explore options that may lie outside of your standard knowledge or belief. That doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily agree when you find alternatives. They may not be for you. But, the mere fact that you have taken the time to push beyond your comfort zone opens up a world of new possibilities.

When it comes to growing and pushing the boundaries to achieve unparalleled success, I would recommend that you forget what you think you know and open your heart and mind to what could be!

Until next time!

Rhonda

 

Beyond Confidence – Divya Parekh Interviews Rhonda Y. Williams

Join Rhonda Williams and Divya Parekh as they explore why some people always seem to win? They have the great job, the beautiful house and the rockin’ car. What makes them different? Simply this… they take the keys while you ask where are we going? To live an amazing life, it is important to get out of the passenger seat, take the keys and start the car!

If I Gave You a Blueprint for Success, Would You Follow It?

Sometimes we inadvertently make life more difficult than it needs to be. Why? As life is busy throwing curve balls, we are on defense. When defense is the primary position you are taking in your life, it is impossible to be on offense.

Stop feeling beat up and beat down. Today, I invite you to make a conscious decision to get on offense! The big question is… how?

Thousands of interviews with successful people and entrepreneurs reveal several consistent characteristics present in all of them. The great news for you? You don’t need to wonder.

The road to success requires us to pay a toll. That toll involves developing the skills necessary and creating the internal conditions for success. These are skills that can be developed by anyone.

So, I ask you… if I could give you the blueprint by which you can create an amazing life for yourself, would you follow it?

The Dream Life Road Map Series is now available for Pre-order with 2 Special Bonuses to turbo boost your journey!

The Dream Life Roadmap Series: 10 Essential Factors for Creating Your Dream Life

 

 

Take action today to begin living your most amazing life!

Rhonda

 

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Is Your EQ the Elephant in the Room?

Tyrese Gibson’s character Roman in the Fast and Furious plays the role of the loveable hot head. In any given scene, we are waiting for the next explosion or objection. You see Roman is someone who can be described as wearing his emotions on his sleeve. For good or for bad, Roman wants you to know when he is happy and when he is angry. He is not going to hide these emotions… he just lets it all hang out!

Roman is not unique. We can all think of someone who is prone to outbursts. Thing about your family members. Who comes to mind as the one who is best described as a shaken can of soda just waiting to be popped! What about the office colleague that always seems on edge. Those are the obvious displays that tell you something about the individual’s emotional intelligence.

But what about the not so obvious? This person is not prone to outbursts but simply does display situational awareness. They tend to be the same in every situation. They are consistent. This is because they are tuned in to who they are and do not feel the need to adjust to the events around them. This person might be heard making the statement, “That’s just how I am.” They may not display a high degree of empathy when a family member or colleague is stressed or angry. Or they may constantly be enveloped by conflict (minor or major).

This type of not-so-obvious EQ display can be the elephant in the room. While everyone can see that something is not quite right, many struggle to pinpoint exactly what problem is. We tend to immediately look at intellect as a potential culprit. After all, a smart person would not behave this way, right? This faulty thinking often takes us off course and diverts our attention away from the true problem which may very well be one of emotional intelligence.

EQ skills are every bit the equal and many would say superior to IQ. Multiple studies have concluded that emotional intelligence is the true predictor of success, in both life and business. The core pillars of EQ include self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. Many of us may have strong EQ skills in some areas while we may be lacking in other areas. We understand that perfection is not the goal but if you are going to address the elephant in the room, one strategy would be to assess your own emotional intelligence and begin taking steps to strengthen your EQ areas weakness.

Ask yourself honestly, is your EQ the elephant in the room blocking your success?

Until next time, all the best in creating your most amazing life!

Rhonda

Originally posted on Quora

Why Are You Here? Change Your Life Today!

While life can be beautiful and amazing, for some of us it seems to be full of never-ending challenges. One set of frustrations after the next. And the minute you believe you are making progress, the next obstacle appears in your path.

If you feel like you are on this merry-go-round, I have a question for you. Why are you here?

It is a simple question with likely a very complex answer. But, I ask you to consider the question from 3 different perspectives.

  1. Why are you here? What are your current circumstances?
  2. Why are you here? What is your passion?
  3. Why are you here? What is your purpose?

The answers stemming from this question could be the key that unlocks the life change you seek. Don’t stay stuck. Envision a better life for yourself. Your dreams are important and your amazing life is waiting for you to catch up. Start changing your life today.

Listen to hear more and then ask yourself that all important question:

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

 

Why Donald Trump Being President is a Good Thing

After a grueling election cycle, many of us woke up the day after the election with a knot in the pit of our stomachs. Are you kidding me? This didn’t just happen? Please tell me I’m dreaming?

These were the comments I heard and read. It took me a moment to re-center myself but after that moment, I knew everything was going to be okay. You see, a little self-reflection revealed that I was afraid. Afraid for myself, my family and our country. Afraid that Donald Trump would somehow ruin everything.

American’s typically refuse to live in fear. We are bold, outspoken and frankly stubborn if not a bit egotistical. So now that we have a result that many of us don’t support, many of us have a fear that is nearly paralyzing? This state of being is contrary and does not embody what it means to be an American.

So, let me share why Donald Trump being president is a good thing:

  • A Powerful Illustration: If this victory does not illustrate why every single American should vote, nothing ever will. Elections have consequences.
  • An Exercise in Reframing: This victory will cause each of us to reframe our thinking. We may not like Donald Trump but I hope each of us is hoping his presidency is a successful one for the sake of our country.
  • Shifting our Locus of Control: If we are going to emotionally be “okay”, it is important to consider that we are the creators of our own destiny. Regardless of who is president your life is the result of a series of actions, reactions, and decisions taken not by the President but by you. It is your life, own it!
  • Motivation Unleashed: Donald Trump’s victory has inspired me to push myself to new levels. I refuse to be dependent on the government to lead a healthy and successful life. I will create my world within this United States of America.
  • The Power of Choice: Guess what the election did not take away from us. The ability to make the choices that will continue to shape our lives. Like the all important choice not to shy away from this challenge but to confront it. And the ability to choose happiness and a positive state of mind in the face of what is sure to be a challenging 4 years.

Clearly I was and am not a Donald Trump supporter. I can imagine many of you might be thinking that I am overlooking the fact that the President has the power along with Congress to enact policies that affect all of us. Absolutely true! Obamacare was important to me. Being a self-employed entrepreneur, prior to Obamacare, it was difficult to get health insurance because I have a pre-existing condition. So, believe me. I get it.

I have simply decided I will always be inspired and empowered to continuing making the world a better place for me, my family and my country in my own way. And to continue helping others in my Dream Life Coaching practice do the same. Regardless of who the president is.

Donald Trump’s election has reminded me of the importance having clear priorities, focus and maintaining ownership of my life. It has reminded me to take ownership of the things within my control. It has reminded me that sitting on the sidelines is never a good thing. It has helped me to better understand and have faith in our democracy. It has helped me see that the world did not end when Donald Trump became the President. And, it has helped to remind me that as long as we have another day and the sun continues to rise, we will have the opportunity to be active, vocal and make a contribution to tomorrow.

From that perspective, Donald Trump being the President is a good thing.

Rhonda Y. Williams, The Dream Life Coach

Originally posted on Quora

From Fearful to Fearless!

 

In my last blog, I discussed the importance of acknowledging and understanding your fears if you want to create your amazing dream life. These fears often mask themselves as excuses but if we take an honest and deep look under the covers we will likely find the true culprit. Hidden fears. These fears cripple our ability to dream big and achieve bigger. It is like an eagle who is ready to soar but has one wing tied down. Start first by taking the critical step of writing down each surface excuse for why you are not actively pursuing your dream life and then dig deep to identify the true fear behind it.

Go from fearful to fearless

When you have a list of about three excuses or reasons as we like to say when we are being kind to ourselves, start by focusing on the top reason. In your mind, what is that number one reason you are not creating your dream life? By creating I mean establishing the vision, laying the foundation and taking deliberate action.

Now, let’s really focus on that one top reason. List the top 5 things you fear could happen based on this excuse. For instance, maybe I would love to start a business. If my number one reason for not proceeding is I don’t have enough money. My list of top five would be 1) I would probably fail because I don’t have the money to get started 2) I might not be able to pay my bills and start a business 3) my spouse would never go for it taking extra money 4) it is going to cost too much 5) I don’t want to get a loan.

So now that we understand some of our underlying fears, we can take a very clinical approach to dealing with them one by one.

  1. I would probably fail because I don’t have the money to get started
    1. This might happen. But just as this is possible, it is also possible that you might succeed. There is no dream gate agent who is going to slam the door on you. Not having the money is simply a current state that has no bearing on your future state unless you allow it to.
  2. I might not be able to pay my bills and start a business
    1. Again, possibly. But have you actually done the math? Have you looked at options to manage finances to determine what would be needed for the business vs household expenses? Have you considered additional or alternate sources of income to keep things going while you establish your business?
  3. My spouse would never go for it taking extra money from the family
    1. Have you discussed it with your spouse? Did you approach it in a way that sounds half-baked and incredulous or did you lay out a plan that helps your spouse see the big picture? The vision you share should also help your spouse feel secure that the family’s basic needs will still be met. If you are committed you will need to work through this in a very deliberate way.
  4. It is going to cost too much
    1. How much would it cost to get started? Exactly how much is too much? Is there an option to start small and build as you grow?
  5. I don’t want to get a loan
    1. Are you relying on common misconceptions and stereotypical ideas that loans are bad things? What if you could get a loan for $20,000 that will ultimately provide the structure and marketing need to generate $200,000 of income? Would it be worth it? Remember, everything is about perspective.

What I see in all of these concerns is the fear of taking risks and fear of failure. The best way to manage fear of risk is to ensure you have properly vetting the path and the process so that the risk is not reckless. The risk will always be there but it is a necessary challenge if you truly want to excel. While you cannot eliminate risk, you can certainly manage it.

You see sometimes fear is not based on reality. It is simply a result of preconceived ideas we have in our head. To deal with them, leave the feelings behind and focus on logically addressing each concern to prove to yourself that although the concern is real, it is not insurmountable and should not be used as an excuse stifles our progress. Your subconscious brain will take these fears and turn them into reality because it does not know the difference, after all that is what it has been fed. If you provide your brain with a different source of food and energy, it will respond in kind and think differently; it will think in a way more congruent with your goals.

To start creating your amazing dream life, manage the risks and fears you face and keep on moving. Move from fearful to fearless!

Rhonda Y. Williams, The Dream Life Coach

Originally posted on Quora

Fear: The Number One Dream Killer

The Dream Journey

When we are young and fearless we are filled with boundless dreams. I want to be a doctor, a nurse, an astronaut, and the list goes on. We likely push back on anyone who say we can’t with the response “why not?” It is a beautiful thing to watch as all the adults smile and revel in the passions of a child. “Isn’t that just adorable?”

As we grow and begin to experience the world, those dreams tend to become more inhibited. At first, healthy doubts as we begin considering the path forward. Now, it doesn’t seem so easy. The complex series of tasks required to accomplish the goal unfolds and you start to look at them with sobering reality. So much to do.

Let’s move further along in our journey and somewhere along the way these dreams that you were once so passionate about have been placed on the shelf and are now dull and dusty. After all, life happens and you find yourself entrenched in a way that feels like it would take the jaws of life to change direction. So at this point the dream may not be completely dead, but it is certainly on life support.

The Problem

So, what’s the problem? At first glance it seems pretty simple. There is no way I can pursue my dream with my current full-time job. My family life is too demanding and I simply don’t have the time. I would like to but I don’t have the skills or the knowledge I need to get started. I don’t have the money to make it happen. These may be just the tip of the iceberg. And while all of these may be real obstacles, I challenge you to look a little deeper and you may be surprised by the real culprit. Hidden fears.

At first mention of the word fear, you may scoff. I’m not afraid. But think about it. Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. Fear lurks in deep dark places and masquerades as something else on the surface. Let’s take the first excuse… there is no way I can pursue my dream with my current full-time job. In this example, fear of loss of stability or financial income is in the driver’s seat. As you can image, this can be a pretty powerful inhibitor.

The Solution

Step 1: Most of the excuses we use for not moving forward are based on hidden fears. Like an onion, we need to peel away the many external layers. This may not be easy but it is necessary. Take a long open and honest look at what’s really holding you back. Be unapologetic in your quest to get into those deep dark areas and shine light on the fears lurking in the darkness.

Step 2: Next I want you write down each surface excuse and the true fear behind it. This will give you a sense of what you are dealing with and will also serve to provide you with a path forward. In my next article, I’ll discuss how to begin tackling these fears to create forward momentum.

Step 3: Share your number one fear below. Let’s open up the conversation to get you moving!

So you see, if you are going to design and live the life you deserve, I encourage you to start by identifying those deep dark fears. When you do, you will find the true barriers you need to deal with allowing you to move one step closer to creating your most amazing life!

 

Rhonda Y. Williams, The Dream Life Coach

Originally posted on Quora

Are We Really Free?

Thinking of freedom and smiling proudly

For all those who fought for us, so courageous

I wonder if they knew

Holding each other hostage would become contagious

 

Technology has evolved and

It helps further the everyday cause

All while emboldening hate to the point

Where it should cause each of us to pause

 

How is it that our words no longer matter?

That political correctness is now the villain?

Does this mean that being disrespectful and uncaring

Is now what we teach our children?

 

We should never devalue the power of thought

For it drives our words and actions

And those who say “I didn’t mean it”

Are often simply responding to the reaction

 

I read social media posts regularly

Some are posted so positively

But I also see hate posted boldly

At the end of the day

Am I the devil because we disagree?

 

What is freedom without responsibility?

It gives comfort in pointing to you instead of looking at me.

Doesn’t being free come with a cost?

And without payment do we all risk becoming lost?

 

My hope for our country is one of caring

Where my position of tolerance doesn’t feel daring

Where we can learn to respect each other

Because even in our differences, you are still my sister or my brother

 

Only then can we truly embody the greatness of our country

And the promise of what could be…

For now…

Ask yourself this question

Black, white, red or brown,

Today, are we really free?

 

Author: Rhonda Y. Williams

August 2016

Don’t Be Afraid of Your Dream Life

When I talk with people, I explain that as an Executive Life Strategist I help people pursue their dream life. What follows is often classic and predictable. A look of curiosity and disbelief often emerges.

When I see this reaction, I understand the look is conveying one of several beliefs: 1) wow, wish I could live a dream life, 2) this isn’t Hollywood, it’s reality 3) yeah, right or something else along these lines. Once this happens, time permitting, I’m ready to engage in an honest and passionate conversation.

Creating your dream life is not about living in fantasy land. It is simply about you getting crystal clear about the life you want to live. Your dream life is unique to you and we all aspire to different dreams. For instance, I can’t sing as much as I would love to. Nope, can’t carry a tune! So, including being a singer in my dream life would be fantasy. Instead, my dream life is based in reality and yours should be too.

A primary problem that often exists is that we are so busily caught up in the daily grind, we don’t ever stop to consider what we really want. I mean think about it. When was the last time you articulated a clear vision for your dream life? It is essential to get this clarity because without it, your mind will have difficulty grasping the true concept of a dream life leaving you with the believe that it is not possible. In effect, you create your own reality that your dreams are not possible.

Here is the great news… living a dream life is absolutely possible! The bad news… there is no magic bullet, no quick fix and no instant pill. If you truly want to live your dream life you must begin to create and live the process each and every day that will get you there. What you did yesterday does not have to define what you do tomorrow.

So, what is the process for creating your dream life? We don’t have time to go into each element in this blog but I want you to start with this. Create the vision. If you don’t have a dream life statement, I strongly encourage you to create one. Think of your dream life statement as your roadmap. It is the destination resort if you will of where you are going. This is step one. Once we know where you are going, it is a lot easier for us to being planning out the steps to get you there.

I look forward to hearing some of your dream life statements if you are willing to share! Leave comments below.

Until next time… begin taking steps to live your most amazing life!

Rhonda